How to Support a Friend Struggling with Mental Health

When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, it can be hard to know what to do. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or overstepping. But the truth is, simply showing up matters more than having the perfect words.

Why Peer Support Matters

Young people are often the first to notice when a friend is struggling. They see the changes in behaviour, mood, and energy that adults might miss. Research consistently shows that peer support — feeling understood by someone your own age — is a powerful protective factor for mental health.

You don't need to be a therapist. You just need to be present, kind, and willing to listen.

What to Say

Starting the conversation can feel daunting. Here are some phrases that open the door without pressure:

• “I've noticed you seem a bit different lately. I just wanted to check in.”
• “You don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you want to.”
• “I care about you and I'm not going anywhere.”
• “That sounds really hard. I'm sorry you're going through this.”
• “Is there anything I can do to help?”

What Not to Say

Even with the best intentions, some responses can feel dismissive or minimising. Try to avoid:

• “Just think positive” — This implies they're choosing to feel bad. Mental health challenges aren't a mindset problem.
• “Other people have it worse” — Comparing suffering doesn't reduce it. It just adds guilt.
• “You'll get over it” — This minimises their experience and can feel dismissive.
• “I know exactly how you feel” — Even if you've been through something similar, everyone's experience is different. Try “I can't imagine exactly what you're going through, but I'm here.”
• “Have you tried...?” — Unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming. Ask if they want suggestions before offering them.

How to Check In Meaningfully

A single conversation isn't enough. Mental health struggles don't resolve overnight, and consistent support makes a real difference.

• Follow up: A simple “How are you doing today?” a few days later shows you haven't forgotten.
• Be specific: Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “Do you want to go for a walk after school?”
• Respect boundaries: If they don't want to talk, that's okay. Let them know the door is open.
• Include them: Isolation feeds low mood. Keep inviting them to things, even if they say no.
• Notice the small things: Sometimes support looks like sitting together in silence, sharing a playlist, or sending a funny message.

When to Encourage Professional Help

There are times when a friend needs more support than you can provide. It's important to recognise these signs:

• They talk about wanting to hurt themselves or not wanting to be alive
• Their behaviour has changed significantly over weeks
• They're withdrawing from everything and everyone
• They're using substances to cope
• You feel out of your depth or scared for their safety

In these situations, gently encourage them to speak to a trusted adult — a parent, teacher, school counsellor, or GP. You might say: “I think what you're going through is really important, and I want to make sure you get the right support. Would you feel okay talking to someone who can help?”

Looking After Yourself Too

Supporting a friend through a difficult time can be emotionally draining. It's okay to set limits. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. And it's okay to ask for support yourself.

You are not responsible for fixing your friend. Your role is to be present, caring, and honest — and that is more than enough.